It's medical. I SWEAR!

Our cafeteria plan enrollments are due today. Here are just a few of the expenses that are not eligible for reimbursement:

This first one cracks me up.

Divorce: expenses of divorce when doctor or psychiatrist recommends divorce. (Did this guy have a note from the doc stating that it was essential to his health and well being that he get divorced? Or maybe it was for her health. If I don't divorce that bitch, I'm gonna have to kill her.)

Diaper service

Breast feeding supplies

Domestic help: payments to domestic help, companion, babysitter, chauffer, etc. who primarily render services of a non- medical nature (what exactly does "render services of a non- medical nature" mean? Especially if supplied by domestic help or a companion?) Mmm hmmm. Now all I can hear in my brain is 'brown chicken, brown cow'.

Herbal supplements

Illegal treatment or medication

Lanyards (Bet you this was a hasher)

Maternity clothes

Marriage counseling

Mattress

Clearly it doesnt benefit you in ANY way to a) get married, since neither your counseling nor your divorce will get paid for, and no matter how much sex you have, you won't be gettin' a new mattress out of the deal, b) get pregnant - you'll have to spring for the clothes on your own. But seriously, how much can plus size sweatshirts and leggings cost in Walmart?, c) Go head and bottle feed that rugrat, 'cuz none of your breast feeding supplies will get reimbursed anyway. 'Specially that pump thingy I hear in the ladies bathroom at work at 10am, noon and 3pm every day. What the hell is that thing? Save your boobies. Maybe they won't hang to your knees as fast, d) By all means, put some disposable pampers on that baby too. And drop 'em on the pavement when you change Jr in the parking lot, so we can all experience the joys of parenting, and IMHO, anybody that makes a living driving to people's houses and picking up poopy diapers and cleaning them has got some heuvos and deserve some serious bucks, and finally e) you're on your own for any of the 'herbal supplement' or 'Illegal treatments or medications' you're gonna need to endure all that crap.