Stairs blow.

And Fire Drills totally suck.

Although, I did get a little adrenaline rush when the stoopid alarms went off, because I didn't know about the drill. (The fire wardens usually get tipped off ahead of time)

So after I rousted 2 creative guys out of a conference room where they had pushed a stack of chairs pushed up against the door, 2 ladies out of the restroom and one scrawny brand management chick off the phone, I had to make my way down 13 stories, then back up with my wallet stuck down my ass crack.

I gotta say, I love watching the 'pretty people' try to walk down stairs in 4" heels.

Ah well. It's a beautiful day outside, I got a little stair workout in and we got M&M's!

When IS the StoopidBowl?

Sometimes I actually LIKE my job. You know, like when we won the Patrón business, the client gave every one at the Agency a bottle of Patrón Anejo. Nice.

Today, on a much smaller scale of things I like here, I got to preview the 3 ads our Bridgestone client is considering running during the Superbowl. I'm curious if the powers that be will let the actual votes decide or if the old school fuddy-duddies will pull rank and air the one they like.

Last year's Bridgestone Superbowl ad can be seen here

My Mini-Me

My 9 year old niece Mollie. MY child, according to my sister/her mom. Meaning obnoxious as hell and a real PITA.



I don't know what she's talking about. I was an angel as a child.

By Order of EPA...

Saw this little gem on the door of the Masonville CO Mercantile.

Other than NO Public Restrooms, their other claim to fame is being the home of the National Senior Pro-Rodeo World Champion Bare Back Rider Jeff Somebody.

Strange little place. Run by strange people - both dressed up vintage 1800's Cowboy style. We were told we could walk through the 'museum' upstairs, but we had to take our shoes off first.

Blegh

Back in flat, concreted, soccer mommie and scrawny SMU chicks with huge fake boobs infested Dallas.

I miss my mountains already. Uneventful, although ass-crack of dawn, drive to the Denver airport, uneventful flight home.

Good burger and a beer in the Hole in the Wall on the way home though. One of my favorite dives.

One noteable happening; as I got out of the rental car, my Om necklace broke and fell off. I'm a little creeped out about it. The last time I didn't wear it, I wrecked my truck and severed 2 tendons in my left wrist on a freakin' wine glass.

Bad ju ju. Hope I can find someone to fix it pretty soon.

Bobcat Ridge

Got out on trail yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks. I really hate being sick. Mainly because I am a horrible patient (i.e., Pain in the Ass). Just call me PITA.

My Mom and Dad dropped off Jerry and I at the trailhead of Bobcat Ridge near Horsetooth resevior outside Fort Collins CO. It has a series of hiking and mt biking trails that loop off one another.

Very nice short spin on combo dirt and hard packed snow. That may be the first time I've run on snow, now that I think about it. I sure like running up here way better than running in Texas.

Lots of bear and coyote scat, but no fresh tracks and no animals.

Distance: 4 miles
Temp: 29 degrees. Sunny and less wind on the actual trail
Time: Granny slow. 59 minutes, although we were dinking around taking pics
Weight: Me 132, Jerry 203

You can lead a horticulture,

but you can't make her think...

ROFL...

I really don't know why this struck me as so funny... I chalked it up to being sick and drinking champagne after helping a friend move all day in sub-freezing temps (which is really bizarre for Texas...) but,

In some random conversation, a friend of a friend was relating a story about hooking up with a skanky girl. What he said was...

"Ooh! I went out with that girl once. It was like waving a corn dog in the Astrodome!"

Bwhahahaaaaaaa! I guess you did kinda have to be there, but it's still cracking me up.

"Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer."

(Credit for that little gem goes to Al Bundy, Married with Children.)

Hats off or Bottoms Up, as the case may be, to Pabst Blue Ribbon, for getting a mention in this month's Maxim article "The Drinking Man's Guide to Beer" in the Canned Heat category. Notable company included Dale's Pale Ale, Boddington's, Tecate, Strohs, Schaefer, Guinness and Foster's (oil can).

What they had to say:
Pale lager * Milwaukee
Oh, PBR. Shall we count the ways? Hipster cachet. Peaty finish. The can. But why must you sting us with a chain-saw hangover?

~snort~ Hipster, my ass. But I digress...

ClearFork Favorite, (and our very own Wanker's) Yuengling making a splash in the Redheads category, being described as "Frothier than an Amish beard."

"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily". John 'Bluto' Blutarsky, Animal House

In-Utero Cannibalism?

Glad I'm going to be a Manitard instead of a CO Springs-person (what DO they call peeps from Colorado Springs anyway?). They got some freaky deaky stuff going on over there.

"Surgeon Finds Fully-Formed Foot in Newborn's Brain". See the story here.

Don't miss the 'graphic image'.

The Most WTF Movie Moments from Summer 2008

Found this while searching Maxim's site for something else.

See the list here.

It's medical. I SWEAR!

Our cafeteria plan enrollments are due today. Here are just a few of the expenses that are not eligible for reimbursement:

This first one cracks me up.

Divorce: expenses of divorce when doctor or psychiatrist recommends divorce. (Did this guy have a note from the doc stating that it was essential to his health and well being that he get divorced? Or maybe it was for her health. If I don't divorce that bitch, I'm gonna have to kill her.)

Diaper service

Breast feeding supplies

Domestic help: payments to domestic help, companion, babysitter, chauffer, etc. who primarily render services of a non- medical nature (what exactly does "render services of a non- medical nature" mean? Especially if supplied by domestic help or a companion?) Mmm hmmm. Now all I can hear in my brain is 'brown chicken, brown cow'.

Herbal supplements

Illegal treatment or medication

Lanyards (Bet you this was a hasher)

Maternity clothes

Marriage counseling

Mattress

Clearly it doesnt benefit you in ANY way to a) get married, since neither your counseling nor your divorce will get paid for, and no matter how much sex you have, you won't be gettin' a new mattress out of the deal, b) get pregnant - you'll have to spring for the clothes on your own. But seriously, how much can plus size sweatshirts and leggings cost in Walmart?, c) Go head and bottle feed that rugrat, 'cuz none of your breast feeding supplies will get reimbursed anyway. 'Specially that pump thingy I hear in the ladies bathroom at work at 10am, noon and 3pm every day. What the hell is that thing? Save your boobies. Maybe they won't hang to your knees as fast, d) By all means, put some disposable pampers on that baby too. And drop 'em on the pavement when you change Jr in the parking lot, so we can all experience the joys of parenting, and IMHO, anybody that makes a living driving to people's houses and picking up poopy diapers and cleaning them has got some heuvos and deserve some serious bucks, and finally e) you're on your own for any of the 'herbal supplement' or 'Illegal treatments or medications' you're gonna need to endure all that crap.

Made me Laugh

Saw this bumper sticker on the way to work today.

"Don't Steal. The government hates competition."

Backwards AND by 10 minutes...

So I met this hasher in Austin this past weekend - FRGM (Full Ride Goat Master) I think?!? A speedy mofo.

After circle, and some Jaeger and some vile Stroh 80 thing that appeared, He announces "I'll run the first mile of the Austin marathon BACKWARDs and still qualify for Boston.

AND I'll beat brownie by 10 minutes"...

Bets, anyone?

Spent some time in Austin this past weekend, including some of brownie's old turf. Mt biking in Walnut Creek - very cool and the BMX section is kick ass, followed by a beer here


Oddly enough, no Pabst Blue Ribbon to be had at Mickey's. Had the next best thing..


Attended the Austin Hash Christmas party on Saturday at the Flying Saucer, where I saw lots of familiar faces and met some new ones as well. No drama, almost regrettably, because I've been saving my "self-absorbed, whiny, narcissistic pain in the ass" line that I stole from K-9 for a certain someone.

Hangover hash on Sunday with more of the same. Finally got my PBR at Ginny's Little Longhorn! Fun time and Elvis rocks as RA. One notable happening: A new boot, who fancied herself quite the rebel, (at least it sounded that way from her rambling on about railroad tattoos and railroad names. She had both; a rr crossing tattoo on shoulder and was named Ogre), managed to down a good third of a bottle of Jaeger during one of her down-downs, then promptly puked it up on TAF and She Mussel's patio, along with at least 3 St Arnold Christmas Ales and what looked like an entire head of cauliflower.

Thank the governing deity that I'm not a sympathy puker, since she happened to be standing next to yours truly when she unloaded.

I think they're gonna name her 'Delicate Flower' or 'Buttercup' if she comes back...

Good Times!

Ya think?!?

I love it that my truck tells me "ICE" in the temperature gauge.

It is a genuine cluster f*ck down here. Sleet and ice on the roads and since they insist on elevating every freaking road they can here, all the overpasses are frozen. And since these flatlander morons don't know how to drive anyway... well, you get the picture.

It does makes watching the news pretty entertaining, though.

Whoooohooooo!

Just got my tickets for JJ Grey and Mofro at The Granada here in January.

Even though jt says JJ has a big ole head now, and I usually trust his judgment on music matters, (Wait. Did I just type that out LOUD?) I'm gonna go see 'em anyways.

Dear Mr. Teisher

Mr. Jon Teisher
Manitou Chamber of Commerce

Thank you very much for the lovely and informative brochures of Manitou Springs and the surrounding area you forwarded me.

Your suggestions on residential areas will come in handy when the move is actually at hand. I am looking forward to exploring the entertainment options; they appear to be quite numerous for the area I am considering.

I understand there is a fair amount of outside activities to take advantage of as well.

Sincerely,

Lauren "I'm not from Dallas, I just live here" Kennedy

Pink Flamingos

Showing tonight in one of the weirder places in Dallas, CentralTrak, is John Waters' 1972 cult classic Pink Flamingos...

It's been called "one of the most vile, stupid and repulsive films ever made" in a review by Daily Variety.

Dallas Observer says: Highly recommended for fans of cannibalism, feces and extreme eye makeup, or anyone who's ever wondered what it would take to become physically ill in a movie theater.

See the Trailer here.

I have to admit I'm intrigued in a train wreck kind of way; I vote we christen the Pig's new house with a Kimchi movie night and watch it.

Did you Know..

That if you cough hard enough, you'll puke?

Oh yeah. And it's dead sexxxaay.

When I retire

from my job pushing the coffee cart in Luby's, I'm gonna get me one of these babys.
AND I'm gonna motor down the street to my fav local bar at 8am in the morning and start drinking Irish coffee.

For lunch I'll have me a few PBR's before I roll on over to New Belgium Brewery for a couple o' free samples.

Don't hate.


Long Branch Bar, Fort Collins CO

Fill 'er up

Even though it was beautiful outside Sunday afternoon, I somehow managed to NOT take advantage of that and spent the entire afternoon inside at the 6th Annual Bacchus Babes White Elephant Christmas party.

I had to drive all the way across the Jethroplex to get there too. At least there was bubbly and good food with a large contingent of the old adventure racing club. I only see some of those people once a year, usually at this event.

I did get to see the Cowboys take an arse whippin' from the Steelers. Heh heh heeeeeh.

I am now the proud (?) owner of a Fill er Up Liquor Decanter that looks like an old school gas pump, complete with hose and nozzle for dispensing.

I was torn between this and the "Poo" log, which had entries for time, description, etc. and included poo trivia. Tough decision.

Pavement sucks

Easy 2.5 mile spin on a combo road and golf course/railroad right-of-way Sunday to get the kinks out. Kinda sore, especially my feet.

Followed by breakfast and mimosas. Mmmmmmmm.

Happy trail

Good 10.5 miles at the Cedar Ridge preserve Saturday in around 2.5 hours with Jerry. Great trail - looks a lot like Bandera. Good hills, cedar trees and lotso rocks. Only missing bigger hills and sotol. Pretty chilly starting out - 33 degrees. Warmed up to a balmy 50.

Had Tom Emory as a running buddy as well and saw BeckBee and Mike in between loops for a minute.

Stopped in at the taco stand in the farmers market in downtown Dallas for guisado tacos after. Good stuff!

Cleavage

As long as you've got it, who cares which direction it's facing?

Good Luck

to all those NTTR peeps headed to Huntsville this weekend for the Sunmart Texas Trail Endurance Runs - 50K and 50 Mile distances.

Happy Trails!

Mmmmmmmm Broken Rake

Sampling a particularly tasty brew - Pyramid's Broken Rake, a seasonal amber I found yesterday in Central Market.

Quite good - I like all the Pyramid beers. Good stuff, except the Apricot Hefe. I'm not so big on it, but the rest of it rocks!

GO already.

I particularly LOVE those oh so conscientious drivers that stop at imaginary stop signs at intersections.

Blame Canada

For the nipply 42 degrees it is in Dallas right now. It's gonna freeze here tonight!

Although - I see that it's currently less than half that temp and snowing in my future home, Manitou Springs. Hmmmmm.

Rock on...

Whoo hooo! New Tunes today from Colorful Colorado!

Jammin' to the Jack Trades, a Colorado Springs band that played at Trinity Brewing, where the wanker pretends to work on Friday nights.

Thanks jt!

The mighty Sotol...

Waiting for us in Bandera. 37 days.

You can do it. We can help...

Today we (The Richards Group) find out if we retain one of our largest clients, The Home Depot.

After a change in upper management by Home Depot, we were forced into a review process, something we rarely participate in. Since it shares largest client billing with Patrón right now, lots of folks are on eggshells around here.

Hoping you won't see a post from me at end of day like brownie's yesterday. If they kept a beer-swilling wanker who works about 4 hours a day and spends another 2 blogging on the clock, what was the rest of the employee force like??

Every snickers bar I ever ate...

I hate spandex. Very few people in this world look good in it; size four or smaller women and men with muscled legs. I am neither of those. Cycling shorts not only make me feel like I'm wearing a stinkin' diaper, but it is very apparent where those snickers bars went. Sheesh.

Up at 5:30 am today and out the door by 6:10 on my road bike. One loop around the lake - 10 miles in 55 minutes. Back inside before the sun came up, barely.

60 degrees and a windy mofo. I thought I might get lucky, but I chose the wrong loop direction and got the crap beat out of me on the back half of the loop.

Been awhile since I was on my road bike. It's an old schwin with only 10 gears and the shifters are on the frame. I'll bet seeing it makes the roadie elitists' buttholes pucker up. Ha!! We both felt rusty and in-efficient starting out.

I still rode up that Loving Hill beeyotch though.

White Rock lake

Managed to make it on to the trail tonight for a shorter run after work. 4.5 ish miles - 'ish' because although google-ped now manages turns nicely, it insists you stay on the street when mapping and I was on the paved trail that kinda sorta follows street and lake shore.

It's already completely dark here at 6:15. Beautiful crescent moon, light wind, 59 degrees. Sometimes Texas ain't so bad.

Didn't meet many other people out. I'll be whining tomorrow because I truly hate running on the road. Much to the dismay of my already tired legs, I jogged up the Loving Hill, which is an actual 'real' hill in Dallas, hard as that is to believe. I've had some difficulties riding my bike up it before and I'm stoked I actually jogged up the thing.

So then I sneaked into the apt complex next door and stood in their freakin' cold pool for about 15 minutes. Curious about my legs and shins. Are they so fatigued because it is the road or because it's some road 2 days in a row? What a wienie.

~sigh~ It sucks to not be 25 anymore...

PS - I wish those wanks next door would step up and actually have a "HOT" tub instead of a barely lukewarm one.